Coping with Holiday Stress
As the Andy Williams song goes, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!”
…But is it really? (If you answered no, you’re not alone! Keep reading….)
The holidays can bring a sense of excitement, joy, and togetherness for lots of people, which IS wonderful! But it can also bring up a lot of stress, grief, loneliness, and be difficult seasons for individuals struggling with depression, anxiety, or other mental health concerns. So if you’re finding yourself dreading the next couple of months, let’s talk about ways we can cope with the dark side of the holiday season.
Acknowledge your feelings and validate yourself. The holidays can be hard for lots of reasons. Maybe you’re struggling with seasonal depression and you find yourself feeling down and unable to enjoy the usual family traditions like you once did. Or maybe you’re feeling overstimulated and irritated by all the excitement going on around you. Maybe this is a hard time because of loss and grief related to loved ones who have passed away, changes in family dynamics, or family estrangement. Or maybe you’re hosting the family and the internal people pleaser/perfectionist is on overdrive trying to make everything perfect but also driving you bananas. It’s okay to be having a hard time. We can’t force ourselves to be happy just because it’s the holidays.
So while we’re on the subject… I just want to invite you to stop. Take a breath. Notice what you’re feeling, no matter what it is. Try not to judge it because judging it will only make it worse. If you find yourself judging it anyway, try not to judge the judging. Just notice. Validate that what you’re feeling is hard. Allow yourself to cry or express your feelings. Taking just a moment to tune in, notice what we’re feeling, and say to ourselves, “Yeah! It makes sense why I feel this way!” can make us feel a little more self-compassionate.
Be realistic. The holidays don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to live up to some expectation of the Ghosts of Holidays Past. Be realistic with your budget for gifts and food. Be realistic about how much time and energy you have to give as well. Overextending yourself will leave you feeling depleted and unable to make the most out of the time you’ll be spending with the people you care about.
Set boundaries with yourself and others. There can be a lot of expectations around the holidays and we can feel pulled in many different directions. It’s okay to say “no.” It’s okay to limit the number of gatherings you attend if you just don’t have the energy to do all the things. Also, please remember that you cannot please 100% of people 100% of the time. You may need to have some limits with yourself about how much you do during this time and make sure to protect the time you spend rejuvenating yourself.
For individuals experiencing family estrangement or difficult family dynamics, boundaries can be an especially important but also difficult aspect of managing holiday stress. Some families, especially when there is trauma involved, use guilt and shame to pressure estranged members to “move past what happened.” Others may even deny your reality, gaslight you, or tell you you’re being “too sensitive.” Please know that it is 100% okay not to show up to events where you don’t feel safe, emotionally or physically. You’re not responsible for managing anyone else’s feelings about your boundaries and you’re not obligated to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.Don’t give up on habits that help you feel well. The extra commitments and social gatherings that come with the season can really throw us off our routines. If there are important things you do that help you maintain your wellness, make those things a priority. Take your medications, make sure you’re getting adequate sleep, eat intuitively and listen to what your body needs, move your body on a regular basis in a way that relieves stress, spend time in nature or alone to decompress, stay connected with the people you care about, etc. Whatever it is that you do that makes you feel balanced, keep it up!
Take time outs. This is an important one for my fellow introverts or people who struggle with being overstimulated. There is often a lot going on during this time of year. Music, and lights, and people–Oh my! It’s a lot for a nervous system to take in. Don’t forget to make time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. That might just mean hiding away in the bathroom for a few minutes in the middle of that Christmas party. It’s totally okay!
Reach out for support. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community and connection. You may be able to find this through religious or other social events in your community, online support groups, social media sites or virtual events. Volunteering your time to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and can create opportunities to find new friendships. If you’re far away from family or friends, try reaching out with a text, a call, or a video chat. Part of seeking support can also be about remembering that “family” can look a lot of different ways. This is another important reminder for people struggling with loss and difficult family dynamics. A “family of choice” can be made up of close people we choose to have in our lives that lift us up, respect our boundaries, and connect with us in meaningful and mutual ways. And always remember that if you’re struggling, seeking the support of a professional can help.